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Funerals are as much for the living as they are the dead, and offering a gift or a token can sometimes go a long way in expressing respect for the deceased, and solidarity or sympathy for their next of kin.
Singapore accommodates a large variety of religions and hence religious funerals. Knowing what gifts or tokens are appropriate is important – what is accepted in cultures and religions might not be appropriate in others. This article will guide you in the process of choosing meaningful gifts for different funerals.
In Singapore, it is common to present a monetary gift to aid the deceased’s family in paying the funeral expenses, and to provide other means of practical support to them. This is typically discretionary, and voluntary, and the amount contributed would typically vary in accordance to their relationship to the deceased or their family.
Referred to as “bai jin”, or “pek kim”, it directly translates to ‘white gold’, and it is typically contained in a white, plain envelope (for easy identification, your name can be written on it). It is common for funerals to have a ‘contribution box’, where the envelope can be deposited.
For Chinese funerals (namely Buddhist and Taoist, but this might extend to Chinese families of all religions), odd numbers such as $100 and $300 are preferred over even numbers, as even numbers are auspicious and celebratory, thus inappropriate for funerals.
Flowers are a common gift to express condolence in Catholic, Christian, Buddhist, Taoist and Soka funerals. They can represent a myriad of different emotions, including peace, hope, purity, grief, love, remembrance and strength, depending on the type of flower chosen. The most popular funeral flowers and their meanings can be explored in this article.
Wreaths, which are an assortment of flowers, are commonly offered by florists, and can be sent directly to the funeral with one’s name and condolence message written on it. If one’s unable to physically attend the funeral, sending a wreath would be an appropriate gesture to express your condolence, but it should not be seen as a complete replacement of physical presence, if possible.
It is noteworthy that in Hindu and Muslim funerals, bringing flowers to the funeral is not appropriate, although they can be given to the family after the funeral procession had concluded.
Condolence cards, which may include an uplifting quote or a personal message which shows support for the deceased’s family, are also a thoughtful gift and show of support for the grieving family, letting them know that they are not alone in their grief.
For Catholics, giving the deceased’s family a Mass Card, would be an appreciated token, letting them know that a Mass will be said in memory of the deceased, especially given Catholics believe that prayers will aid the spiritual support of the deceased.
Taoists funerals play a strong emphasis on burning paper offerings for the deceased, which is believed to be travel with the deceased into the afterlife. Sending paper offerings of clothes, houses, money or anything else would be appreciated by the members of the family, and a contribution to the deceased’s afterlife journey.
Since Muslims do not hold funerals that last days, it is customary for support to be shown to the family after burial. One customary method to show support is through giving food to the family when visiting, ensuring that they do not need to worry about cooking or finding food during their mourning period, while providing company and companionship by visiting them.
Ensure that any food given is Halal.
In general, bringing gifts and tokens to funerals can be a good way of expressing condolence and support.
However, ensure that your gift is appropriate for the type of funeral that you’re attending, and note that gifts are not necessary – your physical presence during the funeral and show of solidarity is the most important.